Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
