my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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