i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
