i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
