Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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