So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
