went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The adults are the big ones right?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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