What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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