It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
