U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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