I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
