Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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