So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
