Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
