just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
