no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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