Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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