Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
