Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
