WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
