Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I am naked and annoyed.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
