Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
