1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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