maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
