Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
