i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
