If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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