my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think my mom watched the whole time
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
