When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
