i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
