Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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