Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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