This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
