so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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