You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
