it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
