I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
soo... how was my night?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
