I think I am morally bankrupt
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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