she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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