Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I looked at my own cervix.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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