i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
