i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
