Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
