i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
