I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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