Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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