I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
