Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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