Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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