I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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