Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
