Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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