I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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