toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its about making memories worth repressing
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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