Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
