I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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