So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
farters have to be the big spoon...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
