yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
