Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Randomize
