All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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