Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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