I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
