Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
