i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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