I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
